Match Report v Medics Wednesday

16/12/15

Medics Wednesday 2-7 History FC

This time last year History FC were crawling there way up division 2. On a much wetter, colder and

windier day some persistent ref bashing and rule book haggling earned History FC an indirect freekick

which Dan Bunter predictably converted. This famous goal earned History a valuable point

against league leaders ISOC. As you can tell, these were tough times - good and memorable times

yes but tough nonetheless. The reliance on ‘squeaky bum time’ and even squeakier half-time team

talks from the inspirational former captain Lewis Murray is a far cry from the History FC of today.

The History FC of today was 12 matches unbeaten and had just seen off the league leaders

‘Egone’ in emphatic style. So when second from bottom ‘Medics Wednesday’ turned up it was

understandable that they were left quaking in their boots.

The warm up to the match was a familiar one. Joel Standerwick was complaining of a calf injury

and the familiar noises were coming from Henry Scanlan and Tom Russell; ‘has any one got a

spare headband?’, ‘can I borrow some tape to tie back Henner’s hair?’. But once Standerwick had

manned up and ugly Thor and ugly Jim Morrison had sorted out their hair it was time for kick off.

Immediately it was clear that the Tinkerman’s switch to a narrow diamond had paid off. The History

lads were knocking it about beautifully; triangles galore! Even Eddie Howe would have been

impressed. Goals? Inevitable. After Scanlan’s rare cross ,Tom Russell finished cooly at the near

post; possibly just to show how Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (“the best near post finisher of all time”)

would have done it. Scanlan then finished clinically to make it 2 and the boys in blue were cruising.

Then out of no where the Medics pulled one back. Not even the flying welsh salmon, Neil Davies,

could keep out a well directed header. History FC were, however, still dominant, and had Scanlan

been able to square it at least once the History boys would have moved to four before half time.

Perhaps someone had told him that I put it over from 2 feet last year. Nevertheless, twat! After a

switch in goal the History boys returned to the field. Scanlan added two more to complete his hatrick,

before Russell and Patrick Harvey powered in from close range. In celebration Harvey

mercilessly hacked down a medic striker to give them a penalty. It seemed his Irish heritage got the

better of him with Harvey screaming ‘precision beats power, and timing beats speed’ and ‘no one

can take that left shot’ at the poor defenceless Medic striker. Not to worry! Captain fantastico flew

through the air to tinker over the spot kick (see what I did there…). Standerwick then calmly slotted

home a seventh before the game came to a close. A convincing win for the History FC.

The win was but a formality but questions will still loom large over the History press box.

Will captain ‘tinkerman’ fantastico turn down the Chelsea job to continue his fine work for the

Wythenshawe division 2 giants? Or will it be the turn of the welsh wizard from Aberystwyth or the

Mancunian sport’s editor and part-time brawler Will Kelly? Only time will tell. All we know for sure is

that History FC are a force to be reckoned with. Roll on second semester.

Yours faithfully,

Tom Glover.

Match report v BA Econ

Match Report
BA Econ 1-3 History FC
Ali vs. Frazier, Federer vs. Nadal, Yankees vs. Red Sox, Lakers vs. Celtics, Real Madrid vs. Barcelona, the Jedi vs. the Sith, Harry Potter vs. Voldermort, the Fellowship vs. Sauron, Good vs. Evil. The list of great rivalries goes on and on and now it has another addition BA Economics vs. History FC. First vs. second in Division 2, the unstoppable force meets the immovable object and vengeance was on the cards for the History boys. Econ snatched a 0-1 victory against History in the first game of the season a travesty that has stayed fresh in the memory of the fans and players of the men in blue. Since then the finance boys have boasted a hundred percent league record and History have remained unbeaten in all competitions. A true clash of the titans on the windy plains of Wythenshawe awaited us.
As kick-off approached the seriousness of the fixture was clear to see as both sides engaged in what looked like vaguely professional warmups. A scene unheard of in the amateur world of Division 2 Campus League and once the ups were warmed the game began. History’s confidence was boosted early on by the appearance of the Prof. on the sideline, their greatest supporter and top boy of the History firm was there to cheer them on. The opening exchanges were tighter than George Osborne’s austerity measures as both sides wrestled for control with the only notable action coming when Tom Glover injured Econ’s best player after 5 minutes in true History style. However, it didn’t take long for the impressive History to claim the lead and take the game by the scruff of its neck. Captain Dan Bunter hit an astounding Free-kick from 40 yards which found its way into the net over the scrabbling Econ ‘Keeper. A great finish that was only matched by the fine elbow-in-the-hip assist from Ollie Brown. This was a landmark goal for the History stalwart, his 20th for the men in blue as he politely reminded this reporter before this report was sent to print.
History soon built on their impressive performance thus far with a second goal just before the break. The lusciously locked Tom Russell shimmied his way between two Econ defenders before being crudely taken down. Up stepped History veteran and penalty specialist Will Kelly. 2-0. Kelly gave the ‘keeper the eyes and stroked the ball home, giving History a well-deserved half-time lead of two goals to nil. The second half picked up where the first had left off with History looking extremely solid defensively whilst still carrying a threat on the break. This threat was exemplified when a rapid counter attack early in the second half resulted in a History corner. A trademark Bunter delivery was whipped into the area and pinball ensued, Nick Jeyarajah pounced and rifled home from two yards. A first History goal for the impressive Jeyarajah, 3-0 and the men in blue were cruising. That was until the referee gave an extremely dubious penalty with 20 minutes to go against History centre back Will Kelly. Osborne’s boys had a chance to grab a lifeline in this titanic clash but like a drowning Leonardo Di Caprio they soon realised the lifeboats had all gone as their striker blazed over from 12 yards and they sunk without a trace.
Well not quite without a trace as the game became fractured and more aggressive with Tom Glover confronting one of the Econ players for wearing a snood, fair enough really. Then the man I dedicate more column inches to than anyone else once again took centre stage, Will Kelly, a football reporter’s wet dream. Econ’s striker and chief b*llend decided to engage himself in some verbal sparring with our man Will, what was said was unclear but it soon became clear that Kelly had the better of him in the battle of the sharpened tongues. So the Econ man resorted to violence and swung an elbow as the two waited for a set piece to be taken. What a banker. Kelly responded with a trademark shove sending the striker flying and resulting in a yellow card for the History man as he kept up his reputation as the fiercest man in Division 2. Despite all this the morally bankrupt Econ did eventually get their consolation goal but the less said about that the better as the clean sheet went the way of Econ’s hundred percent record, down the shitter.
History FC were victorious once more! A very important three points which keeping them hot on the heels of their economically minded rivals in the race for the title as they extended their marvellous unbeaten run to 12 games. We’re History FC and we’re doing alright.
Your long suffering reporter,
Neil Davies

Match Report v Manchester Business School

2/12/15

History FC 1-1 Manchester Business School

History FC’s 9 game winning-streak came to an end after a hard fought draw against third-placed Manchester Business School in tough, wintery conditions down in Wythenshawe.

History were complacent in the first half; perhaps owing complacency to last week’s cancellation, as well as the sequence of comfortable victories in previous weeks in which the team hadn’t been tested.

MBS certainly provided a test. They were fit and combative on an extremely boggy pitch and scored a scrappy goal mid-way through the first half, and despite a few opportunities for History’s SAS strike force, MBS deservedly took the lead at half- time.

After an acknowledgment at half-time of the below-par performance, History took to the field in the second half with something to prove. A much more convincing team performance in the second-half followed, with an early equaliser provided by midfield dynamo and playwright Tom Glover, who finished close range after a rare MBS defensive lapse.

MBS’s central defensive pair proved solid throughout and it certainly takes some doing against the Campus League’s most potent strike force with Joel (9) and Henry (7) regularly tearing defences to shreds.

History dominated the second half of an exhausting encounter and fully deserved to be level and arguably win the game. It clearly wasn’t History’s day when with 5 minutes to go the ball landed at Captain Dan Bunter’s feet about 25 yards from goal. Reminding some of Gerrard’s heroics against West Ham in the FA Cup final, Bunter unleashed a venomous shot towards the bottom-left corner of the goal and it was in…surely it was in…but no! Divine forces were not on our side as the ball cannoned off the inside of the square post and was subsequently cleared, how unlucky!

Joel almost got the victory for History in virtually the last kick of the game, but a very good save from the MBS keeper denied Joel from a one-on-one from a tight angle.

Whilst frustrating not to win, especially in light of another win from league leaders BA Econ, History cannot be too disheartened with a draw against a good team in tough conditions. Also to be unbeaten in 10 games, comprising of 9 wins and 1 draw is still a highly impressive record.

This next week will be hugely significant for the team’s prospects for the season. Firstly a cup game vs Divison 1 opposition on Saturday and then next week’s league game against leaders BA Econ. Let's hope the unbeaten run continues.

Onwards and Upwards we go!

Dan Bunter