Match Report v Medics Wednesday

16/12/15

Medics Wednesday 2-7 History FC

This time last year History FC were crawling there way up division 2. On a much wetter, colder and

windier day some persistent ref bashing and rule book haggling earned History FC an indirect freekick

which Dan Bunter predictably converted. This famous goal earned History a valuable point

against league leaders ISOC. As you can tell, these were tough times - good and memorable times

yes but tough nonetheless. The reliance on ‘squeaky bum time’ and even squeakier half-time team

talks from the inspirational former captain Lewis Murray is a far cry from the History FC of today.

The History FC of today was 12 matches unbeaten and had just seen off the league leaders

‘Egone’ in emphatic style. So when second from bottom ‘Medics Wednesday’ turned up it was

understandable that they were left quaking in their boots.

The warm up to the match was a familiar one. Joel Standerwick was complaining of a calf injury

and the familiar noises were coming from Henry Scanlan and Tom Russell; ‘has any one got a

spare headband?’, ‘can I borrow some tape to tie back Henner’s hair?’. But once Standerwick had

manned up and ugly Thor and ugly Jim Morrison had sorted out their hair it was time for kick off.

Immediately it was clear that the Tinkerman’s switch to a narrow diamond had paid off. The History

lads were knocking it about beautifully; triangles galore! Even Eddie Howe would have been

impressed. Goals? Inevitable. After Scanlan’s rare cross ,Tom Russell finished cooly at the near

post; possibly just to show how Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink (“the best near post finisher of all time”)

would have done it. Scanlan then finished clinically to make it 2 and the boys in blue were cruising.

Then out of no where the Medics pulled one back. Not even the flying welsh salmon, Neil Davies,

could keep out a well directed header. History FC were, however, still dominant, and had Scanlan

been able to square it at least once the History boys would have moved to four before half time.

Perhaps someone had told him that I put it over from 2 feet last year. Nevertheless, twat! After a

switch in goal the History boys returned to the field. Scanlan added two more to complete his hatrick,

before Russell and Patrick Harvey powered in from close range. In celebration Harvey

mercilessly hacked down a medic striker to give them a penalty. It seemed his Irish heritage got the

better of him with Harvey screaming ‘precision beats power, and timing beats speed’ and ‘no one

can take that left shot’ at the poor defenceless Medic striker. Not to worry! Captain fantastico flew

through the air to tinker over the spot kick (see what I did there…). Standerwick then calmly slotted

home a seventh before the game came to a close. A convincing win for the History FC.

The win was but a formality but questions will still loom large over the History press box.

Will captain ‘tinkerman’ fantastico turn down the Chelsea job to continue his fine work for the

Wythenshawe division 2 giants? Or will it be the turn of the welsh wizard from Aberystwyth or the

Mancunian sport’s editor and part-time brawler Will Kelly? Only time will tell. All we know for sure is

that History FC are a force to be reckoned with. Roll on second semester.

Yours faithfully,

Tom Glover.

Match report v BA Econ

Match Report
BA Econ 1-3 History FC
Ali vs. Frazier, Federer vs. Nadal, Yankees vs. Red Sox, Lakers vs. Celtics, Real Madrid vs. Barcelona, the Jedi vs. the Sith, Harry Potter vs. Voldermort, the Fellowship vs. Sauron, Good vs. Evil. The list of great rivalries goes on and on and now it has another addition BA Economics vs. History FC. First vs. second in Division 2, the unstoppable force meets the immovable object and vengeance was on the cards for the History boys. Econ snatched a 0-1 victory against History in the first game of the season a travesty that has stayed fresh in the memory of the fans and players of the men in blue. Since then the finance boys have boasted a hundred percent league record and History have remained unbeaten in all competitions. A true clash of the titans on the windy plains of Wythenshawe awaited us.
As kick-off approached the seriousness of the fixture was clear to see as both sides engaged in what looked like vaguely professional warmups. A scene unheard of in the amateur world of Division 2 Campus League and once the ups were warmed the game began. History’s confidence was boosted early on by the appearance of the Prof. on the sideline, their greatest supporter and top boy of the History firm was there to cheer them on. The opening exchanges were tighter than George Osborne’s austerity measures as both sides wrestled for control with the only notable action coming when Tom Glover injured Econ’s best player after 5 minutes in true History style. However, it didn’t take long for the impressive History to claim the lead and take the game by the scruff of its neck. Captain Dan Bunter hit an astounding Free-kick from 40 yards which found its way into the net over the scrabbling Econ ‘Keeper. A great finish that was only matched by the fine elbow-in-the-hip assist from Ollie Brown. This was a landmark goal for the History stalwart, his 20th for the men in blue as he politely reminded this reporter before this report was sent to print.
History soon built on their impressive performance thus far with a second goal just before the break. The lusciously locked Tom Russell shimmied his way between two Econ defenders before being crudely taken down. Up stepped History veteran and penalty specialist Will Kelly. 2-0. Kelly gave the ‘keeper the eyes and stroked the ball home, giving History a well-deserved half-time lead of two goals to nil. The second half picked up where the first had left off with History looking extremely solid defensively whilst still carrying a threat on the break. This threat was exemplified when a rapid counter attack early in the second half resulted in a History corner. A trademark Bunter delivery was whipped into the area and pinball ensued, Nick Jeyarajah pounced and rifled home from two yards. A first History goal for the impressive Jeyarajah, 3-0 and the men in blue were cruising. That was until the referee gave an extremely dubious penalty with 20 minutes to go against History centre back Will Kelly. Osborne’s boys had a chance to grab a lifeline in this titanic clash but like a drowning Leonardo Di Caprio they soon realised the lifeboats had all gone as their striker blazed over from 12 yards and they sunk without a trace.
Well not quite without a trace as the game became fractured and more aggressive with Tom Glover confronting one of the Econ players for wearing a snood, fair enough really. Then the man I dedicate more column inches to than anyone else once again took centre stage, Will Kelly, a football reporter’s wet dream. Econ’s striker and chief b*llend decided to engage himself in some verbal sparring with our man Will, what was said was unclear but it soon became clear that Kelly had the better of him in the battle of the sharpened tongues. So the Econ man resorted to violence and swung an elbow as the two waited for a set piece to be taken. What a banker. Kelly responded with a trademark shove sending the striker flying and resulting in a yellow card for the History man as he kept up his reputation as the fiercest man in Division 2. Despite all this the morally bankrupt Econ did eventually get their consolation goal but the less said about that the better as the clean sheet went the way of Econ’s hundred percent record, down the shitter.
History FC were victorious once more! A very important three points which keeping them hot on the heels of their economically minded rivals in the race for the title as they extended their marvellous unbeaten run to 12 games. We’re History FC and we’re doing alright.
Your long suffering reporter,
Neil Davies

Match Report v Manchester Business School

2/12/15

History FC 1-1 Manchester Business School

History FC’s 9 game winning-streak came to an end after a hard fought draw against third-placed Manchester Business School in tough, wintery conditions down in Wythenshawe.

History were complacent in the first half; perhaps owing complacency to last week’s cancellation, as well as the sequence of comfortable victories in previous weeks in which the team hadn’t been tested.

MBS certainly provided a test. They were fit and combative on an extremely boggy pitch and scored a scrappy goal mid-way through the first half, and despite a few opportunities for History’s SAS strike force, MBS deservedly took the lead at half- time.

After an acknowledgment at half-time of the below-par performance, History took to the field in the second half with something to prove. A much more convincing team performance in the second-half followed, with an early equaliser provided by midfield dynamo and playwright Tom Glover, who finished close range after a rare MBS defensive lapse.

MBS’s central defensive pair proved solid throughout and it certainly takes some doing against the Campus League’s most potent strike force with Joel (9) and Henry (7) regularly tearing defences to shreds.

History dominated the second half of an exhausting encounter and fully deserved to be level and arguably win the game. It clearly wasn’t History’s day when with 5 minutes to go the ball landed at Captain Dan Bunter’s feet about 25 yards from goal. Reminding some of Gerrard’s heroics against West Ham in the FA Cup final, Bunter unleashed a venomous shot towards the bottom-left corner of the goal and it was in…surely it was in…but no! Divine forces were not on our side as the ball cannoned off the inside of the square post and was subsequently cleared, how unlucky!

Joel almost got the victory for History in virtually the last kick of the game, but a very good save from the MBS keeper denied Joel from a one-on-one from a tight angle.

Whilst frustrating not to win, especially in light of another win from league leaders BA Econ, History cannot be too disheartened with a draw against a good team in tough conditions. Also to be unbeaten in 10 games, comprising of 9 wins and 1 draw is still a highly impressive record.

This next week will be hugely significant for the team’s prospects for the season. Firstly a cup game vs Divison 1 opposition on Saturday and then next week’s league game against leaders BA Econ. Let's hope the unbeaten run continues.

Onwards and Upwards we go!

Dan Bunter  

Match Report v MACE

Match Report 18/11/15
MACE FC 0-3 History FC
History FC win again, its nine games on the bounce now for our title chasing heroes in light blue. On a typically wet Mancunian afternoon the History boys proved that they most definitely could do it on cold, Wednesday afternoon in Wythenshawe. There were some pre-match doubts as to whether the game would go ahead as planned or be postponed following the arrival of Storm Barney on our shores. However, we live in the rainy paradise that is Manchester a place where a torrential downpour and a boggy pitch are ideal conditions for a proper game of football. Game on.
There was early drama in the pre-match warmup as news filtered through to Sky sources that lusciously locked duo Henry Scanlan and Tom Russell would miss kick-off and History would have to start the game with only 10 men. Disaster then truly struck when centre back Patrick Harvey mysteriously found canine faeces all over his lovely white coat. Why he put it there we do not know, each to their own I suppose and this reporter is certainly not a man to judge what another man chooses to do with dog poo. Once the initial shock of this incident had blown over the game could finally begin.
Early on History FC asserted their usual dominance over proceedings and looked the more superior team throughout the opening exchanges. However, this dominance was not matched by chances and goals as the poor weather conditions halted the men in blue playing the ‘History Way™’. MACE also looked short of ideas and quality early on despite being captained by former Brazil international Dante, the Brazilian has fallen on hard times since his best days at Bayern Munich but I suppose losing 7-1 to Germany in a home world cup will do that to a man. Although it is nice to see he is still playing and apparently getting a degree in Aerospace Engineering as well, good for him.
A sloppy first half was eventually brought to life with some quick thinking from the late arrival Henry Scanlan who took advantage with a quick free-kick and slotted the ball through to midfielder Nathan Bennett. Bennett galloped along the soft to very soft in places turf and produced an extremely cool finish to beat the MACE goalkeeper. The crowd erupted and the famous chant of ‘One nil to the History!’ echoed around the Stadio d’ Wythenshawe. The opener was soon followed by a second, this time from Scanlan. A true thunderbastard of a goal hit on the run into the opposite top corner. A goal of such pure quality and genius that most people who witnessed it did not truly understand what had just happened. Most of the fans and players present thought it had been a double ricochet off the sliding Dante onto Scanlan’s shin that had looped over the keeper with a helping hand from the wind. However, this reporter will take Henry’s word on what happened as he seems like an honest enough chap to me and who am I to doubt him. So it was a thunderbastard of a goal. End of.
Onto the second half and it was more of the same for History as confidence grew and the football improved with the wind behind them. Lots of chances were being created by the free flowing football History, somehow the ‘History Way™’ was prevailing on the swamp formerly known as a football pitch and to great effect. However, someone had left all the shooting boots at home and chance after chance was wasted by the men in blue. That was until a lung-bursting run from midfielder Tom Glover left him clean through on goal and the rumoured lovechild of Justin Rose and Andre Schurrle finished crisply into the bottom corner. Game over. With the cherry on the History FC cake of a first league clean sheet for reserve ‘keeper Josh Scott, a satisfying afternoon’s work for all in light blue.
Another Wednesday, another win and as the History Boys stared up into the rainbow above them they began to wonder if maybe just maybe they would reach the Pot of Gold at the end of the campus league rainbow ahead of them that is promotion to the promised land of Division 1.
Your Faithful Reporter,
Neil Davies.

Match report v St Anselm and Canterbury Court 1s (Plate)

History FC 4-1 St Anselm & Canterbury Court 1s

History FC overcame a player shortage crisis to get their plate campaign off to a flyer. St Anselm & Canterbury Court 1’s were on the receiving end of a comfortable 4-1 victory despite the absence of both the captain and vice captain. As Division 3 leaders, the opposition had the potential to pose a stern test to the History boys, however there was never a hint of complacency as they did a professional job.

Will Kelly admirably stepped up to the role of leading the team, who adopted a 4-2-3-1 formation with two late recruits slotting in at left back and central midfield. The new captain was aided by goalkeeper Josh Scott’s return to full health and fitness, although by his own admission he was still drunk from the previous night. This was clear for everyone to see as the only danger to the History FC goal in the first half was Scott’s ambitious attempt at a Cruyff turn around an onrushing striker near to his own goal line. The ball was just about scrambled clear, and after an evenly fought first ten minutes the boys in blue began to take full control of the game.

Joe Blewett slipped in Joel Standerwick to hammer a low drive beyond the reach of the SACC keeper, before Henry Scanlan was practically assaulted inside the box. Captain Kelly stepped up to do the honours from the spot, converting his second penalty inside the space of a week. History continued to press and probe without really needing to push the game and took a comfortable 2-0 lead into half time.

They wasted no time putting the game to bed after the break, Standerwick drilling home after SACC failed to clear a corner. Shortly after some superb pressing from the front four forced a defensive error and the ball broke for Scanlan on the inside right of the box. Simply chipping the ball over the keeper is far too mainstream for Scanlan, who expertly and deliberately smashed the ball into the ground, and it bounced over the keeper and in.

SACC’s only real spell of pressure came in the last ten minutes with a series of corners eventually resulting in a sliced finish into the net, cueing Scott’s remonstrations that he would have saved it had he had better fingertips on his gloves. Overall a comfortable victory for History FC who will look to carry their good form into some important forthcoming league games!

Joe Blewett

Match Report v Medics Albion (Cup) and Hulme Hall

 Match Report: Medics Albion (Cup) and Hulme Hall

History FC have continued their fine form over the last few weeks and are currently second in Division 2 and have progressed into the second round of the cup. The opposition during the reading week had conceded so the team were awarded a walk-over.

History FC 9-0 Medics Albion (Cup) 31/10/15

Last week the cup campaign started with a ‘hallowin’ against Medics Albion who are towards the bottom end of Division 4. The early Saturday morning wake-up call was a shock to the system for some of our squad, none more so than striker Joel Standerwick who missed the 9 o’clock Sainsbury’s car park meet and was only awoken thanks to the recent update to Facebook Messenger which allows you make a phone call. Despite being deeply hungover, Joel ‘Scores When He Wants’ Standerwick delivered 4 goals for the team on the way to a 9-0 victory. The opposition were poor and the team capitalised, creating numerous chances and the score could and should have been double figures. Scott Doherty scored his first goal for History FC with a fine run from inside the defensive half, reminding us all of a young Damien Duff with his balance and poise. Joe Blewett also opened his History FC account with a brace of ‘fox in the box’ finishes. Captain Dan Bunter also scored with a fine thirty-yard strike, leaving the opposition keeper rooted and reminded the fans of his venomous striking ability. It was a comprehensive victory for the team, progressing through to the second round, indeed there were to be no nightmares on Halloween this year.

History FC 6-1 Hulme Hall 11/11/15

The team continued their fine scoring form with another comprehensive victory in the league, scoring 6 goals with 6 different scorers. The day started with the devastating news that goalkeeper Josh Scott had suffered a traumatic night’s sleep and in his words: ‘no way I’m playing today guys…feel absolutely shit’. The team was rocked and looked for divine intervention to solve the keeper crisis, luckily however, History FC loyalist Neil Davies stood up to fill the void in goal; this was a relief particularly after Neil’s heroics in the 1-0 victory against UMCC FC.

The conditions were not favourably, dark, windy and a sticky pitch meant it was difficult to play ‘The History FC Way’ in the first half. Despite this, the team were dominant creating numerous chances for the returning SAS strike force. Joel Standerwick continued his form scoring with a fine finish and the team lead 1-0 at half time, which was thoroughly deserved considering the team were attacking into the wind.

3 quick goals in the second half made the result beyond doubt, with a cool Henry Scanlan finish and a well-struck free kick from Captain Dan Bunter into the top-right corner of the goal. Perhaps goal of the game goes to Tom Russell who scored his first of the season. Despite his tenacious play and vivacious attitude to the game, the media pressure had started to build on Russell who had missed plenty of guilt-edged chances in previous games. His tenacity was key to the goal however, after following up from a chance the defender on the goal line thought he had time to clear the ball; little did he know of the blonde bombshell that was headed his way, with Russell slide tackling the defender causing the ball to rifle into the net. A well-deserved goal from the Bournemouth Boy. Two more goals followed, a well-placed Will Kelly penalty and another poacher finish from Joe Blewett.

So another victory for the team, confidence is high having scored 24 goals in the last 5 games. The team are currently 2^nd in the league behind BA Econ who have won all of their games thus far; the sky cameras will certainly be down for the return fixture on December 9^th. The team starts their plate campaign this Saturday against Division 3 leaders St Anselm & Canterbury Court 1’s. Let’s keep up the great form!

Here is the link to the league tables, fixtures and results: http://campussportmanchester.sportpad.net/leagues/view/802/224

Dan Bunter      

Match Report v Whitworth Park B

Match Report 28/10/15
History FC 3-1 Whitworth Park B
The men in blue continued their fine early season form this past Wednesday to notch a third win on the bounce. The form team in Division 2 are flying high after a convincing 3-1 victory over the B’s from Whitworth Park. However, the day did not begin well for History as just before kick-off news began to filter through to the Wythenshawe press box that midfielder Tom Glover had failed a late fitness test. Sources close to Glover have confirmed that he had been suffering from a near fatal bout of Essay-crisisitis over the past couple of days and it had left him in no fit state to take part in Wednesday’s game.  Fortunately his absence wasn’t felt too harshly as a new look midfield of Nathan Bennett and Nick Jeyarajah provided a strong platform from which History built an early lead.
History flew out the blocks as Whitworth struggled to deal with the high-pressing 3-5-2 system employed by ‘tinkerman’ Dan Bunter’s team. The counter pressing soon paid dividends for the men in blue as the ball was nicked off a Whitworth foot and Henry Scanlan was sent racing through, Scanlan finished coolly in a manner reminiscent of a young Thierry Henry. History were ahead and it could have and should have been more as the Referee and his imaginary linesmen made several extremely dubious offside calls throughout the half. The lead was eventually doubled just before half time as a trademark Dan Bunter Free-kick was nodded in by a hapless Whitworth defender, leaving History with a deserved two goal lead.
The second half carried on where the first had left off with History dominating the leafy Wythenshawe turf and before long they had their third. Yet another fine Bunter delivery was cleared to the edge of the box where it was met crisply by Nathan Bennett and drilled into the bottom corner, a well-deserved first History goal for the combative midfielder. Whitworth did eventually manage to pull one back as Josh Scott saw his dreams of emulating Neil Davies’ clean sheet the previous week dashed by a neat finish from the Whitworth man. The game soon became fractious and disjointed with a high number of fouls given away by each side. Despite the lapse for the goal the back three were troubled little by a feeble Whitworth attack led by the man who had rejected History’s overtures during the transfer window, Kane Nimblette. This was until centre-back Will Kelly took matters into his own hands after being shoved by Nimblette and aggressively pushed the striker in the chest. Presumably letting him know politely that’s what you get for turning down History FC, the referee took exception to this for some reason and awarded a penalty in the dying seconds of the game. Could the comeback be on? The answer was no as Kane wasn’t Abel and blasted over from 12 yards. Three points secured and a very satisfying win over Whitworth Park B and their captain, who is by all accounts a bit of kn*b. History march on!
Your faithful reporter,
Neil Davies

Match report v UMCCFC

Match Report 21/10/15

History FC 1-0 UMCC FC

Captain Dan Bunter fired in a late free kick amid controversial circumstances to earn History FC a second win in a row. After an early morning downpour, conditions were perfectly set for the team’s passing style of play, which was further facilitated by a change to a 3-5-2 formation as Bunter continues his reputation as ‘the tinkerman’ of   Division 2.

The Blues began in dominant fashion, a solid back three allowing wing-backs Ollie Brown and Scott Doherty to exploit the spaces out wide with lung-busting runs, providing plenty of service to the new-look strike partnership of Henry Scanlan and Joe Blewett. History FC pressed and probed with a tenacity inspired by Jurgen Klopp’s ‘gegen press’, and were twice unlucky not to go ahead through Tom Russell who was denied once by a flying save, and once by an air shot.

Despite the dominance of History’s attacking play the standout moment of the half came moments before half-time when stand-in keeper Neil Davies sprawled to his right to fingertip a dangerous header round the post. Rumour has it that Manuel Neuer made his miraculous save against Theo Walcott at the Emirates the previous night having studied videos of Davies in training. The keeper also had the fortunate benefit, unlike number one Josh Scott, of not having to constrain a fired up Will Kelly, who expertly constrained his passion to marshalling the defence.

The second half continued in the same vein with the Blues continuing to create chances but lacking that finishing touch. Despite being a relatively clean game, the referee did little to calm a tense final twenty minutes having seemingly lost the use of his voice, whistle and arms. With around ten minutes remaining, the UMCC goalkeeper flapped at Bunter’s free kick under pressure from Scanlan and the ball nestled into the back of the net. While the History boys were jogging back to the halfway line, UMCC were protesting for a foul on their keeper.

In a quite baffling error of judgement, the referee announced that he’d given a goal kick, possibly the only decision that could leave neither team satisfied. After some persuasion the referee awarded the goal, but continued to make some remarkable decisions. History FC went close again through both strikers but could not extend their lead, while Davies continued to show shades of Phil Jagielka vs Arsenal with another fine save.

The fixtures continue to come thick and fast for the team, but after recent performances the boys will be looking to mount an assault on the top of the Division as well as have a good run in the cup.    

Joe Blewett, History FC's suffering Villa fan.

Match Report v Medics Wednesday

History FC 5-3 Medics Wednesday

14/10/15

Highlights

·      A Henry Scanlan hat-trick on only his second appearance for the team

·      Last seasons top scorer Joel Standerwick returns to scoring with a brace

·      Will Kelly’s fit-of-passion

·      The Professor returns

Conditions were perfect, a little hint of Sun, a slight breeze and no rain. Also, History FC’s loyal fan, aptly the named ‘The Professor’ was back to watch some quality ISSL Division 2 football. The nightmare of last weeks calamitous #BusGate was soon forgotten as the team arrived in good time before kick-off and were sufficiently prepared to commence battle against the originally-named Medics Wednesday.

A slight change in formation to a 4-2-3-1 worked wonders as lone striker Joel Standerwick was always in the game, with regular service being provided by Henry Scanlan and Tom Russell. The team found themselves 3-0 up after approximately 30 minuntes, with the Scanlan and Standerwick duo combining well against a rather underwhelming opposition defence.

History FC’s relentless desire to play the Barcelona ‘tiki-taka’, possession-based game, led to giving the ball away in some dangerous areas, resulting in Medics Wednesdays’s first goal, a well-placed 25 yard strike. 3-1 at half time certainly flattered the opposition, with History being a constant threat in the attacking half.

Will Kelly exemplified his passion for History FC, with a spectacular outburst at goalkeeper Josh Scott after a bobble-of-the-ball led to a chance for the Medics just before half time. The pair soon healed their divisions and their competitive spirit was great to see. Though, this incident of argy-bargy will inevitably go down in History FC folklore.

Scanlan’s hat-trick was completed with a well-taken finish after 60 minutes, underlining his credentials as a striking option for the team. The Medics were allowed back into the game courtesy of dodgy hand-ball and Keeper Scott was unable to repeat his penalty-saving heroics of last week.

Standerwick completed his brace with another well-taken finish, after a delightful ball from History centre-back and Paul Scholes lookalike, Patrick Harvey. Standerwick’s finish reaffirmed his goal-scoring talents and the future looks bright with History’s SAS (Scanlan and Standerwick).

Isolated incidents of tension occurred during the game, including full-back Nick Jeyarajah’s polite questioning of his opponent as to whether he ‘wants some’. As well as Tom Glover’s ability to wind-up opponents with his quick wit and a cynical hand-ball.

Frustratingly, the opposition scored a consolation goal with the last kick of the game, however History FC’s spirits were high having got a well-deserved first victory of the season.

It is clear that the team will only benefit from more game time together, but the signs so far look very positive with all the new recruits settling in very well. Onwards and upwards to next week.

Dan Bunter, History FC Captain